The Time That I Thought I Understood

5.25.10

Airplane home from Barcelona

"Facing reality seems like a bad idea to both of us for different reasons but also the same reason; "Being real" and talking to people and maintaining relationships and having real responsibilities for people besides ourselves-Being here you literally are responsible for only yourself-I think that that's why leaving is so hard, and it's hard to come to terms with that fact; that you really are selfish enough to be happier living only for yourself and your own body...the only real thing I've had to do is call my parents, and they're too far away to really help or hinder me. As far as I'm concerned the world around me besides where I am is completely frozen. This must be what people studying abroad feel like all the time; it must be really hard to go home after being so disconnected from the people you know. Or, hard to STAY connected, not BE connected...because when you're here you're not connected and no one really seems real to you, except for who/what you're doing at that point in time. This is exactly why -- has been so into "living in the moment" this semester and why he can't really care about this type of an ending. He has no basis in reality at this point and I don't think I'm even a real person to him any more."

Summer Solstice

Town Line Road,

Bridgewater Connecticut

Magical Friends

Past Tense; Present Tense

I can't fantasize about a summer by myself;

Sunglasses and an orange-gold tinted world,

Wind through the windows and blonde curls,

Crickets, midnight picinics and an

Entire week of balmy silence spent together in a

White bed and a city bathtub.

Then it was new and fresh and felt

Different and meaningful and real,

But you were exactly the same only

you were too liberal with your words.

And it will go back to the way it was

before we knew each other,

Only now it will mean something when

I don't say "Hi," to you.

Whatever this is that has been left over

in my chest since January

Has been an extra 20 pounds in the morning,

an extra 50 at night and

An extra 1000 every time someone says your name...

It was a thing that had an ending waiting to come

since the beginning.

Now you're someone else's warm chest,

The taste on someone else's morning breath.

I guess it just lost its meaning to you and apparently

so did I.